Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
