I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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