party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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