Already got asked if we're dating
hotel room ftw
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
