My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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