Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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