There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
