I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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