How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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