I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
