Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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