Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize