My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
