Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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