She's JV to your varsity
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
