You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
