whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize