At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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