You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Are we still banned from the library?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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