Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
