I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
