I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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