You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
