Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
