hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
