She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
