New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
