I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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