where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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