i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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