He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
