fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
