you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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