Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
