just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
