also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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