those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
cat food counts as protein by the way
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize