careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
