She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have post one night stand depression
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
