My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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