I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
