i just sent this text using only my big toe
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
