My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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