I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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