He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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