What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
