Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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