Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
