Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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