i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
