I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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