I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
