Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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