I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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