I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
