Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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