Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
