we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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