Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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