I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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