Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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