If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
