I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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