After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
