I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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