Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
