She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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