Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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