obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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