1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just pynch a tree in the face
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
