I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
