Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He felt like a one man threesome
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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