Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
