You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
