my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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