Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
