OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize