addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
