i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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