She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
