all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
