dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
