Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
