This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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