This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
