I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
