All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
