Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
