Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
