so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize