Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
