my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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