help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
