I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
