He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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