I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
