My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
