Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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