Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my poor anus
Who died my cat blue again?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
