I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize