Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I still have a little drunk in my system
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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