A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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