I wish my penis had an off switch
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
