Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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