So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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