It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
