i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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