my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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