I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
